Self-Care

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What does it mean to take care of yourself?

Does it mean getting a manicure, or going to a spa? Does it mean a new dress, or a pair of shoes? How about a fancy drink from your favorite café? Or some other luxury that you wouldn’t usually spend money on?

Those are possibilities, and they often bring about at least a momentary boost, but none of that is what self-care means to me.

I think of self-care as much more ordinary, and often, less expensive. There is a time and a place for splurging, and sometimes it can even qualify as self-care – but not usually.

For me, self-care means stepping into the role of parent for myself, and evaluating what I need. It means conducting inquiry, as Geneen Roth calls it, to get an idea of where I’m holding with my hunger, and whether I need to eat.

It means determining if I need more sleep, or a few minutes to unwind, or some exercise. It means looking at all of my needs – physical, emotional, mental, etc. – and making sure that each of them are being addressed.

For this reason, self-care often runs right into self-discipline. It’s not always easy to make the right move for yourself, especially when the wrong one feels so good. It is so much easier, and more fun, to eat another cookie, stay up and watch another episode, or avoid that pile of work.

This is when the parenting comes in, with loving but firm discipline that reminds me that what feels good in the moment often does not feel good in the long run.

Self-care is hard. I struggle with it every day. This type of self-care is especially tough. It takes discipline to enforce. There are all kinds of societal messages about self-care – what it should look like, whether it’s selfish, how much it should cost, etc.

The bottom line is that no one has a right to tell you how to take care of yourself. And no one else is going to do it for you, either. Being an adult means taking ownership – and care – of yourself.

I often wonder if we are so dependent on others for validation because we aren’t fulfilling our own emotional needs; or if we would be happier if we weren’t so afraid of being alone with ourselves. Distraction-free, I mean.

The thought bears repeating: It is up to me to care for me.

Today, I will try to care for myself.

How about you?