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In psychology, healthy attachment occurs when a child uses a parent as a home base, yet feels secure enough to wander around and explore. From time to time, the child will return to the parent for comfort, before going off to discover again.

As we grow and mature, and move away from the safety of our parents, it is important that we provide ourselves with what we need – parent ourselves, in a way. This is an important aspect of self-care.

Providing a secure home-base is crucial. It allows us the safe space that we need to relax, rejuvenate, and re-energize, before we head back out into the world. It also serves as a sense of comfort when we need to lick our wounds, and a reminder of who we are when we get lost.

I am always reminded of this when I return from traveling.

That first step in the door is magical. I am weary, most often cranky, and inevitably, exhausted. But as I turn the key in the lock, open the door, and step inside, I shed those layers of grime, breathe in deep, and inhale my home.

Mine.

Where everything is exactly where I want it, and it’s all kept how I like. Where the foods that I like are in stock and the dumb little trappings that I need throughout the day are available. Where my bed calls to me like a siren, silently and seductively pulling me in.

Don’t even get me started on climbing into bed.

It is as much emotional as it is physical. When I have one of those days, where everything goes wrong – the terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad days, where I’m seriously contemplating moving to Australia – home beckons, with its sweet, sure comfort.

What psychology has taught me is that this sense of security is important. In the same way that the body needs sleep to relax and recover, the psyche needs home, for security and comfort.

And home does not have to be a place. It can be a person, it can be a feeling. It can be a specific sensory experience. It can vary in the same way that each of us are different. But we all need it.

In the same way that self-care means providing physical sustenance and emotional support, it also means building yourself a home – a refuge – where expectations fall and you can just be yourself.

Build yourself a home today.

Visit it often.